Porn Hurts Women

Written By:

July 25, 2012

“Pornography is no big deal.”

“A man should be able to explore his sexual fantasies so long as he’s faithful and monogamous in his sex life.”

“Pornography can help couples spice up their sex life.”

“I see nothing wrong with porn; after all, no one’s forcing these women to do it.”

I know these sound like a man’s excuses, but these are things I’ve heard women say. Have you ever stopped to wonder how deep the hurt goes? If it takes a lie that big to (attempt to) cover the hurt, it must be excruciating.

Imagine being the woman who has to convince herself not to take it personally when her husband would rather “whet his appetite” by ogling another woman. It’s just the way men are wired; they can’t help it. It’s got nothing to do with me. But her man arouses himself with enhanced, airbrushed images of nineteen year-olds willing to humiliate and abuse themselves. It’s hard to pretend everything’s alright when she’s pretty sure he’s thinking of other women while he has sex with her.

I can’t fathom that hurt.

She puts on a brave face and her best clothes, but she knows she’s not her husband’s ideal beauty. Such a fundamental craving in the heart of a woman–to be pursued and cherished as beautiful–yet she has to settle for leftovers. The girl on the computer screen gets his best efforts. She has no choice but to cling to the lies he tells: I love you, baby. You know you’re the only one for me. You’re beautiful. No one holds a candle to you. Yeah, bullshit. Despite not having eyes for anyone else, his eyes can’t seem to stop seeking fantasies to explore and searching for womens’ bodies to study.

I can’t fathom that hurt.

She smiles for the camera. Then she gives her soul away while her body is turned into something cheap and dirty – a momentary thrill with lasting consequences. She puts on a proud face. She flaunts her lifelessness as a form of sacrificial living. She’s convinced herself that being used by an industry that doesn’t respect her and used by millions of men who don’t respect her is actually a good life.

I can’t fathom that hurt.

I’m not calling them liars. I believe that they believe what they’re saying. We’re broken. We look at death and see life. We drink poison and taste something sweet. We’re abused and betrayed and we feel loved and adored. That’s because the epitome of brokenness is embracing and identifying with the thing that broke you.

But men, have we considered our part in this? Imagine the hurt we cause when we click that link, when we watch that video, when we drive across town to buy that magazine… It’s so deep and so raw that, to cover the hurt, she has to accept lies that strip her of her dignity, crush her heart and break the bonds of loyalty and faithfulness that she clings to for her identity.

Do you understand that to survive the betrayal of our obsession with pornography, simply accepting lies isn’t sufficient? Women are forced to embrace them and become them. To be at peace with our lust and selfishness, women will train themselves to crave the most unimaginable humiliation. They will find ways to make the twisted, demented cravings of disgusting perverts fulfill their need for healthy affection.

Or at least they’ll try.

Men, our unwillingness to battle our sin has broken our women. I don’t want to overstate the point. Women struggle with sin the same way we do; we are not responsible for their choices or their decisions about God. But we are responsible to protect our women. Instead, we’ve turned them into cheap playthings. We’ve taken the unique creation–the one God crafted specifically for us, to be our partner and helper–and whored her out to satisfy our desire for an orgasm.

I don’t doubt that women think they like pornography. It’s got to be easier than dealing with the pain it’s caused.

 

Photo credit: Flickr

  • Christopher

    Hey, my brother thank-you for your honestly refreshing truth. I’m kind of amazed that many of my brothers haven’t given you the embarrassed and truthful response. We all have had to deal with this at some point, no matter how old you are it is Satan’s way of bringing us down. Our wives, mine also deserve the best from us. So we need to Man up and be accountable to one another. The Lord knows our heart. Let me be one to say. Thank-you brother for telling it like it is…

  • http://twitter.com/celtic_jim Jim

    This is all too true. Excellent article.

  • Brandy Allen

    I have created a Facebook page dedicated to exposing the truth about
    porn, or as I like to call it, “filmed prostitution”. This page offers
    the facts as well as solutions. Please help spread the word. The page
    can be found at https://www.facebook.com/porndestroys

  • Vincent

    So… how is it that porn hurts women? Like, female porn stars–they chose the life they are in. We all do. This isn’t the day and age where a father or brother can control a woman and prevent her from making bad choices.